


I'm Never Gonna Know You But I'm Gonna Love You Anyway

by ascoolsuchasi



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-04
Updated: 2011-08-04
Packaged: 2017-10-22 05:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/234397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ascoolsuchasi/pseuds/ascoolsuchasi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a pregnant!Charles miscarries at the beach in Cuba. <b>Warnings: mpreg, miscarriage.</b> Sequel <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/248430">here.</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Never Gonna Know You But I'm Gonna Love You Anyway

**Author's Note:**

> Written for prompt http://1stclass-kink.livejournal.com/7315.html?thread=13143955#t13148307, in which a nonnie wanted pregnant!Charles to miscarry at the beach in Cuba. **Warnings: mpreg, miscarriage.**
> 
> Title more or less taken from Waltz # 02 by Elliot Smith. And I want to say having a miscarriage is one of the worst things that could happen to someone, and I'm sorry to anyone that as had one, or has had a loved one/known anyone who's gone through that.

"Fuck you."

It catches Erik off guard. Charles never curses. Never.

"Pardon?"

Charles' eyes narrow.

"I said 'fuck you'."  

And he leaves the room, with a slam to the door.

 

 __

" _You have such wonderful eyes. Perfect EYCL1 mutation. Absolutely groovy."_

 _Erik laughs full and hearty. He sets down his scotch._

 _"You're drunk Charles. Let's get you back home, yes?"_

 

Erik's at a bar, alone. Hand on his tumblr, and he's not really thinking of anything. It's been a week since Cuba and a week since Charles has said anything to him. 

He sighs.

"What's beating you?" It's the bartender. A pretty young thing.

He looks up at her.

"Don't you have drinks to serve." It's a question and a statement and something else entirely.

She snorts.

"There ain't anyone in here but you, darling. It's two in the afternoon."

Erik looks to his glass.

"Fill this up, yes?"

She takes the glass from him with a roll of the eyes.

"Sure."

 

 __

 _Charles gasps as Erik pushes into him._

 _"Oh god…Oh..."_

 _Grip tightening, toes curling._

 

Charles has been holed up on his study. He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep, he doesn't do anything. Just stares at the wall, and sometimes the floor, and relives _it._

Raven tries to talk to him but he doesn't listen.

 

 _"Charles," He sounds lost and small._

 _"Yeah?" Charles rolls onto his side, looking at Erik, a soft smile on his face._

 _"This isn't going to change anything is it?"_

 _Charles laughs and shakes his head._

 _"No, my friend. This could never change anything."_

 

Erik's in Charles' room, sitting on his bed. He looks around the room. He doesn't understand it; doesn't understand why.

 _"_ What did I do?" It's said aloud and it's said quietly. "Charles…"

He sleeps, but barely, in Charles' room that night.

 

 __

 _They're back to normal after that.  No long lasting glances. No extra touches. Just friends. They just put it up to a fluke. A loss of control caused by inebriation._

 _It's the day after, that Erik pushes Sean off the satellite, and laughs when the teen flies._

 

Raven watches Erik pace through the halls. Sometimes she's tempted to tell him. Most of the time though, she just wants to shake him, yell at him _'HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?'_ And she's not quite sure what that something is. If it was him almost going against everyone or if it's-

She decides that she won't do anything. Won't say anything. It's not for her to tell.

 

 __

 _"Listen to me closely, my friend: killing Shaw will not bring you peace."_

 _He half chuckles. Oh Charles, you can be so naive, he thinks._

 _"Peace was never an option."_

 _Charles leans forward and wets his bottom lip. His hands find Erik's face and pulls him closer._

 _  
_

__

Two weeks pass.

Charles stands in front of Erik's door. It's some time past midnight. He opens the door with shaky hands.

It's dark in the room, and he can barely make out Erik's figure on the bed.

He climbs in, and lays close to Erik. Puts his arm around his middle, and into his neck he whispers I'm sorry, so sorry. We lost her. I'm sorry. Forgetting that Erik doesn't know. Forgetting that Erik can't hear him.

 

 __

 _"Erik, they're just following orders."_

 _"Erik, be the better man."_

 _"Erik please."_

 _"Erik-"_

 _And the words fall on deaf ears. He does the only thing that he can think of._

 __

 _  
_

It's been two and half weeks since Cuba.

Charles can't look at Erik in the eyes, but they're talking. Even if they talk to walls to talk to each other, they're still talking.

 

 _He's hit Erik, and they're both on the ground. Erik on top of him, grabbing at him, choking him. And he's trying, reaching, hoping to get that damned helmet off him._

 _If only I could reach…If only..._

 

It's three weeks and finally, Charles thinks he might be able to tell Erik.

They're outside, just walking.

Charles turns to Erik, when they stop. Somehow they've found themselves in front of the satellite.

"Erik I…" He looks up, eyes slightly watery. "Do you remember the night when we…well, you know."

There's an almost smile on Erik's face. 

He nods.

"Yeah." He looks down to Charles.

Charles bites his bottom lip.

"I…" He reaches out for Erik's hand then he stops, pulls his arm back. "We had…"

"What is it Charles?"

Charles takes a deep breathe, but it's not enough. He takes another.

"My friend, we…" A tear rolls down his face. "We had a baby." And the words feel weird coming out.  

Erik just stares.

 

 _Something clicks in Charles when he's fighting with Erik._

 _Oh. I'm pregnant._

 _Then he corrects himself._

 _Oh. I was._

 _He doesn't quite understand, there's a disconnect. And it's an outer body experience. He can hear someone screaming._

 _Then he realises it's him, he's the one screaming. He also realises that Erik's stopped whatever he was doing. Now just staring at him, wide eyed._

 _The bombs drop to the water._

 _It's an odd feeling. The loss of something that was living inside you. You loose a piece of yourself as well._

 

It's three weeks after the beach and everyone is dressed in their nicest of clothes. No one's in black. They all had an unsaid agreement. Colours because it was a sign that life had existed. That it was there. No black. Never black. Black would only hold the void open and suck everyone in.

Charles is kneeling on the floor. Erik by his side, tracing the words on the stone.

"We're still going to be…together? Yeah?" It's Erik and just above a whisper.

Charles leans against Erik and Erik leans against Charles.

"Yeah…" 

"I'm sure she would have been lovely." And it doesn't feel like the right thing to say, but Hank says it anyways.

Sean is the one to put some tulips down.

Raven is the one that's silent. In some sort of awe and crying.

Alex is the one that says the right thing:

Sometimes, there are people that are too good for this world.

 

 _It's the night they get back to Westchester._

 _"Raven…"_

 _Charles is pale, tears welling in his eyes._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"I think…I just…It was…" He breaks down._

 _Raven scoots closer to him, puts her arms around his._

 _"What is it? Charles? What?" Concern dripping from every word._

 _"…I- felt- and just…She's gone. She's gone."_

 _Raven's brows knit together, confused._

 _"What? Who's gone? Charles, talk to me, you need to talk to me. Who?" She's holding him tighter._

 _"I didn't know she was…" He's crying, sobbing; voice broken and eyes red and puffy. "I felt her. And now she's…"_

 _"Charles." She pulls back enough to see how face. "Charles tell me. What happened. Who are you talking about?"_

 _"My…Erik's…I was…And I-" He's shaking, can barely talk. "Mi-miscarried."_

 _"What? Charles you couldn't have. You were never…You can't. You're a-a guy. And Erik?"_

 _"Didn't know, but I can. And I did and now she's…I can't Raven, I just."_

 _She pulls Charles to her in a hug, pulls him tight against her, and rubs circles into his back. Tears in her eyes._

 _"Shh, it's okay, it's all right. You're okay. Does Eri…No, shhh, it's okay, it's okay. It's going to be all right."_

 

It's been a year since Cuba.

Charles still won't have sex, can't stand the idea that _it_ might happen again. And Erik's okay with that, he swears he is, because, he can't stand the idea either.

But it's getting better. Really, it is.


End file.
